"There's a place where nobody goes. Would you dare yourself to take me there?", she whispered looking at the moonlight-- the silver bliss that was slowly settling upon the flowing river , casting its spell over the darkened hearts. He looked perplexed for a moment, husssh... he went silent as the night prolonging his own heart's anticipation , as if devouring each moment with thought tonight brought him something blissful in return..something he feared --detested--loathed--damned his whole life! and yet then , slowly, daring his heart to accept what was happening to him, he turned his face towards her, and held her in eyes.
She was nothing like he had ever imagined. No thriving beauty nothing, but the most enchanting one in his life from past six months. painful! he heard a voice in his heart whispering.
"What are you?" he wanted to ask her for the hold she had on him. It was not a hold. It was damn surprisingly one freaking relaxing grip. A damn grip that sometimes pained him yet sometimes over joyed ! she has made you a rollercoaster damn You!
God...what is happening to me? no!.. its--its not that again--its...its..damn new feelings its heightened each passing second.! I can't do this! his mind kept banging on the doors of logic. NO!! I can't I wont!!! he begged him, the man inside him, he reasoned with him. But why-- this intruder's presence was already deep within the walls of his heart. Banging , submerging, teasing --scattering! ah!! engulfing in its own way the very walls of his very lonesome heart. A heart that he always kept crowded with substitutes. Lots and lots of them. But not anymore.
He had begun to empty it. Or had it already been emptied for her?
"Well...?" she smiled again into his eyes. poking him slightly to jerk him back to the real world. Their married world.
He looked inquiringly at her. Like a lunatic trying to search out something on somebody's face. "What are you doing?" she asked in surprise. A smile still lingering over her lips, her eyes mesmerizing
"I am looking at your smile." he stared at her again like a losing enemy.
"why, you don't like it?".. she asked . a little baffled a little laughingly.
"No..why are you smiling? Its very disturbing. why are you smiling? Don't smile--please don't smile" he pleaded
Silence -- followed by an angry face now showered upon him. she stared him in the eye.
"What are you doing now?"
"Well you just told a girl that too ME that you don't like me smiling! So now I am not smiling."
"No but--that's not what I wanted. That's one horrible angry face you have. please don't make that face for me."
"then You want me to smile again? her teasing was beginning to confuse him.
"Yes!" --- "NO!" I mean no! yes I--Oh dammit!!! what the heck am I babbling? "Just don't show any emotion to me. alright?!" He moved away from where he stood and intended to leave. Can we go now ? I'm getting late for the airport..” . It was time to just stay away from this , run away , act indifferent and leap before she could hear the mad beating of his warm heart thumping slowly but surely beneath the cold attire of indifference he wore for her tonight .
He started to leave. Run Run Run, his mind pounding.
"So you just gonna leave?" She asked teasingly.. God! She's sweet! So demure so alluring. NO!! Keep walking keep walking!
"And what shall I do about that special place where I wanted to be?"
Don't look back. Look straight!!! just straight! keep walking.
"And the fact that only you can show me."
Oh man! please dont break me! Keep walking you damn fool! keep walking
"And that if you don't dare yourself to take me there you'll also regret it oneday. You'll break I know this.."
keep walking keep walking.
"And possibly when you'll break --we both know It will also break me" ,He was beginning to forget where he was running.
And?? he repeated after she fell silent. He was beginning to loose track where he was going. And...??
She took his name so much love and heartbreakingly that it ached him . Atlast! A supple voice from behind had caged him again. He helplessly found himself turning back agitated. Something choked inside him , burnt his chest. And it was making him demented.
Why does it matter when she calls him by his name this way? Why dammit?! He couldn't move an inch further away from this. He wanted her to take his name again n' again and forever like that --always so honestly. As if she belonged to him.
Oh! could she belong to him?
She already belonged to him.
She stood there under the moonlight, her eyes fixated on him. He stood ten steps away from her. Who shall move next and closen the gap, they both wondered under the moonlight bliss. Long gone the bickering.l..ong gone the distance and hesitation they had when they first met. Tonight – all that mattered was her desire for him – his desire for her.
"There's a place where nobody goes. Would you dare yourself to take me there?” He heard his heart replying.."Yes.. challenge accepted.
To be continued...